Friday, May 31, 2013

four and a half days

In the insanity that has been my life over the past (ridiculously too long) month and a half since I've blogged, so much has happened.  So.  Much.  A brief recap:
-I turned 23- woot!
-I've gone to bridal showers for three amazing women.
-I scratched my cornea and had to wear the most ridiculous looking eye patch and go without contacts (I hate my glasses and am nearly legally blind without was a fun few days.  Especially considering my sister's bridesmaids' luncheon was happening the same weekend.)
-I made the decision to start grad school in the fall.
-My baby sister got MARRIED!  Congrats, Sissy and Chase!
-I went on an incredible trip to the Dominican Republic...what a beautiful place!
-One of my college roomies got MARRIED!  Congrats, Sam and Grant!
-I survived my first year of teaching during EOGs (have you ever tried to keep 30 six and seven year olds quiet for an undetermined amount of time?  ...yeah, good times.)

And here we are.  The very end of May.  It is officially June in about 45 minutes (EST), which means school gets out this month (Teachers everywhere:  PRAISE!).  I have 4 1/2 days left with my kids.

4 1/2 days left with my very first class of kids- the very first class I've been completely responsible for.  4 1/2 days with 21 kids who make me laugh, drive me nuts, give the best hugs, bring me to tears, and teach me daily.  4 1/2 days to make sure they know they'll always be my kids.  4 1/2 days to make memories as a class.  4 1/2 days to reiterate how important they are to me, to let them know how much they've taught me this year- about myself, about life, about grace, about God-, and to make sure they know they are so loved.

There were days when I didn't know if I would make it to the end of the school year.  I felt so completely called to my school, and I still do, but I had this pretty picture in my head of what being called means.  I always thought being obedient to God = blessings.  And I associated blessings with happiness, contentment, peace.

But I've learned this year that blessings can be found in the most unlikely of places.  That sometimes the blessing is learning to be content whatever the circumstances.  Sometimes the blessing is learning what it means to be truly broken and dependent on the Lord, and an even bigger blessing when you realize you are completely secure in Him.  Sometimes the blessing is trusting when obedience seems to not make sense.  Sometimes the blessing is the peace that comes when He calms His child instead of the storm.

I have to smile through the tears when I think about what all I would have missed had I given up the second week of school, when I cried in my principal's office and told her "I can't do this."  (Thank you, Rebecca Huffstetler, for believing when I couldn't see how I'd ever make it.)  I would have missed out on so many incredible friendships, the learning opportunity of a lifetime, 21 amazing kids, and so, so much more.

The words, "I will go, Lord, send me" have taken on new meaning and a new life this school year.
I have a new understanding of what it means to walk by faith, even when I cannot see.

4 1/2 days...and we're going to make every second count.